AsenDURE @ Corner of 11th & 20th

“Nice Guys Finish Last.” Damn sick and tired of hearing this endless chant on cupid’s corner over at Lowyatdotnet. Any thread along this line would be filled, within the hour, with guys who would suddenly and explicitly take on the personality of whiny teenage girls and go about ranting, bitching and girl bashing. So, what is it about “Nice Guys” that cause their hearts to get stomped on by girl and people in general? I’m going to help explain this as clearly as possible to you whiny doofuses, because obviously my futile and constant attempts at advice go unheeded.

Failure in definition
Undoubtly, most these so called “nice guys” would quickly emphasize how they would fit into the category and then unleash upon forumers, whining, the magnitude of tsunamis. This is where the definition fails. Sorry to burst your bubble here, but there is huge distinction between being a nice guy and being a doormat. If by ‘nice’ one means being a gentleman - adhering to common chivalry, treating people with respect, being courteous and understanding, being gentle and soft spoken, or even being a bit idealistic - then I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that at all. It is NOT the fact that a guy is “nice” that makes him unattractive to a girl. Being nice is a great personality trait and there’s nothing wrong with being a nice person. Far too many guys are under the impression that they were “too nice” and that’s why they got stomped on and stepped over. Bttttzzzzzz. Wrong!

Real Reasons
The first and most crucial mistake a guy can make is to lie to himself about the REAL reason that a girl got scared off. Most of the time he is just too needy and attempts to build his entire existence around being with her. Talk about pressure! Guys don’t like overly needy girls, so believe what you want about men being from mars and women being from venus, but this is something universal folks…so it works both ways! Girls don’t like overly needy guys as well. So, stop trying to turn into belly button lint stuck in some girl’s navel. Simply…do NOT build your life around her or anyone else, for that matter. Have your own interests and activities. Build a happy and healthy life for yourself so that when you do find a good girl she compliments the good life you already have rather than creates or completes your life.

Learn to say NO, damit!
Another mistake so many nice guys make is to devote all of their time into doing things for other people to the point where they aren’t taking care of themselves. Learn to say No when you need or want to say it. It’s okay to put your own needs and wants ahead of doing things for others that they could do for themselves. If you don’t take care of yourself first you won’t be worth a damn to anyone else. Start saying “No” when you don’t want to do someone a favor. “Sorry, I can’t” is just as easy to say, and the world won’t stop turning if you say no.

Love yourself and build confidence
Sounds cheesy but here goes (barf bags not provided for readers). Love is a very precious gift you can give another. There’s a catch though, most importantly, you MUST love yourself first. Until you can genuinely love yourself you can’t love another person in a healthy way. Many “nice guys” mistakenly believe that if they worship the ground a girl walks on and idolizes her that she will automatically return the same treatment towards him. These “unrealistic expectations” more often than not, gets unmet and lead to pain, frustration and sometimes anger. These expectations are nothing more than premeditated resentments or self-inflicted suffering. Never set yourself up for this kind of disappointment. Here I would like to introduce them to two simple formula called break even point and returns on investment…read up on it, don’t be lazy. In real life, you don’t get back 100% of what you invested, so learn to cut losses and step away. Don’t worship girls. They are human, make mistakes and aren’t perfect. They are just like you for the most part, and are no better or worse than you are. Don’t treat them like they deserve more than you do. If you don’t respect yourself, girls won’t respect you either.

More tips:More things I’ve learnt

Don’t hide. Most of the time nice guys tend to hide. They either hide in their work/home or in tightly constructed and safe social groups, rarely go out into the world to even attempt to meet someone or keeps to a closer social group of people when they do. Nice guys don’t always do the club scenes,.but when you find them, they’re so “kayu”. Learn to dance, cause most girls dance and it’s on the dance floor that you meet them.

Understand that there are stupid girls and these sort of girls are simply not worth your time. Being able to distinguish which girls are worth it and which ain’t would in a way help you filter out which targets to spend your energy on pursuing. Understand what kinda girls are worth pursuing too is important coz though everyone wants a hot chick, settling for a average girl may be the wisest choice of all.

Learn to recognize your opportunities. Sometimes you’ll lose a nice girl by not realizing the signals she gives you. After you’ve learnt to recognize opportunities, learn to take advantage of it, trust me it may be daunting at first but after awhile, banging your head against the wall for missing such an opportunity when one arises, you’ll learn to grow some balls.

It’s important not to be too trusting or to take people at face value, though, and to be able to see when people are trying to take advantage or screw you over. This is something many have to learn the hard way though, unfortunately.

Make sure you show your limits. What makes ‘bad guys’ look good is usually the self confidence and arrogance they show. You can be nice and still be arrogant without being an ass. Learn to flirt. Eye contact is very important and the best way to approach without falling flat on your face is to use this indicator to see if she’s interested.

Finally, I know most of these stuff seems hard at first and not everybody can change cause some traits are just hard-coded into one’s personality. My quiet nature for instance, and no matter how hard I try I just can’t be a chatterbox…but most of the things are and I’ll be living proof of that.

Most guys pride themselves in being logical, but when it comes to girls they lose all sense and sensibility, imediately turning gaga…sigh~. If you recognize your own behavior in this list, and have probably blamed your “niceness”-DON’T. In conclusion … don’t lose the niceness, lose the wimpiness.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 26th, 2005 at 3:33 am and is filed under Lighter Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.